Leadership Without Manipulation
I don’t often talk publicly about my thoughts around leadership. Here’s something that’s been on my mind recently as I get ready to graduate in a few weeks.
One of the things that a psychology professor of mine said during my second year in college was that he strived to avoid using manipulative techniques in his relationships. He had a huge impact on how I think about human behavior, and I chose to adopt the same approach. It’s incredibly hard. We learn and adopt manipulation even as toddlers in order to have our needs met, and it becomes second nature.
When I analyze my own motives, I regularly spot places where I have been manipulative without realizing it. I am also greatly attuned to spotting when others are being manipulated, and it causes me great frustration when I see it.
The goal in soundbyte form is: use influence first, positional authority last, and manipulation never. I hope I live up to that goal, but I know I fail sometimes. I also know that I am perceived as passive sometimes when I choose not to exert manipulation or even positional authority when I could. Those two remove others’ agency and have diminishing returns the more you use them. It means sometimes I don’t get my way, and often that leads to a better outcome.
It’s a worthy goal.